No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
