Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
