I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize