So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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