just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
