trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
