what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize