one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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