I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
