it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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