Just fell off a train. Bad.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
