so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
