Screwed.edu
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
