So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
