My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
