thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
