I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
