Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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