i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
