it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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