What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
