his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize