I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
