dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
