God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
