dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I am morally bankrupt
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
