My Higher Power is John Stamos
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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