Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
