So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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