if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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