i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
