you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and you said cock pushups were impossible
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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