I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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