we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
