i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
