dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
