i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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