I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
