ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
