I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
