I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
