the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
