I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize