Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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