He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
