How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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