yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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