So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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