i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
