the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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