My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize