three words: i give head
three words: not that well
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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