please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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