Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
