hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize