You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
