I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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