office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
