I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
