Don't make out with my wife yet
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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