i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
