forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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