I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
