he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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