you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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