You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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