OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
