i just google imaged poop.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
