I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
