she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
