So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize