I want to have your abortion
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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