# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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