I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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