This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
