don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
