The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
