got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
