Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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