My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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