If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
