mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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