So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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