"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize