She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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