I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
