Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
