Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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