you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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