So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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