Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
