Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
