also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
