....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
