Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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