he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
