i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
