We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
