well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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