I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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