winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
