You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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