I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
