Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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