well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
