so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
