dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
